Relax

So I was at Eastern this weekend with a friend of mine who was visiting the school as a prospective student. It was so great to chill on that beautiful campus again and re-enter college life. It is such an awesome atmosphere. I took time to just relax and enjoy the beautiful weather by playing ultimate with some people from their club team. I didn't get much sleep, but not much was required because of how great the days were. This also makes me excited to return to college (audition pending). I have officially been accepted to LBC but I still need to get into the worship arts program through my audition which is a week from today. I think I finally decided on songs that I want to do, which is a relief because that part was extremely hard with all the great songs out there. Also really contemplating a tattoo in the next month or two.

Current Jam:

Madness

March Madness is probably my favorite sports "event" of the year. So many teams, many winners of their respective conferences, come together to determine the best in the nation. And always, the unexpected happens. This year, two 2 seeds lost to 15 seeds. It is so improbable that hardly anyone picks them to be upset, which results in many brackets (including my own) being busted and chances of winning a pool go way down if you had them going far, or go way up if you had them losing early. It's so much Madness!

Current Jam:

Spring

Even though I am ready for Summer to be here, Spring has to come first. A time of regeneration, growth, healing and newness. So far this year, my "Spring" which is still Winter technically, has been just that. Moving forward with shows, getting into a regular schedule, revamping the other aspects of my life that disappeared during rehearsals. Now that I am having time to myself not involving sleep I have been able to work on my audition for LBC. I am still figuring out which songs to play, but I am really excited about it and pray that God leads me, and those I am auditioning for, into a place of worship, if even for a short amount of time while auditioning.

Current Jam:

Nights

I am so thrilled for the warm weather. I spent the evening walking around lancaster. Started at prince st, went next door to the creamery, headed back to my car to get my lighter and smoked my pipe while I walked around a few blocks and ended at the square. Went to Annie Bailey's for half an hour or so and had a drink, then on my way back to my car, got some chinese food. It was a great evening, but not what I had planned. I had planned that some friends would actually show up to prince st. because I told them I would be there to hang out. Instead they had their own get together, even though they should have known that I was in Lancaster. I felt disrespected and abandoned. Like my plans aren't cool enough, Monopolized even. I know it was not their intent, but now that I think about my night, I wouldn't have it any other way, so thank you for doing your own thing everyone. It offered a good amount of time for observation of people, interaction with a pen and reflection of the self.

Current Jam:

Summer

It's not even spring yet, but it would be great if it was already summer. I got to spend some time chillin with some friends that are on spring break, then played some pretty decent volleyball to open up the long season I will be able to have. I am extremely excited to have a full summer. I am extremely sad that I will not be returning to camp this summer, however, I think it will be just as good of a summer. For the past couple summers, I've been thinking about all the activities I could be doing if I wasn't committed to camp. Here is a list of somethings that I want to do:
Multiple beach trips
Volleyball tri-weekly
Many late night campfires
Football weekly
Sport-like activities multi-weekly sans saturdays
Several disc golf adventures
Evenings full of music and friends
Shorts and v-necks all day every day

Current Jam:

Off

So, for the first time in a good while, I have two days off in a row. Today(Sunday) I had off, as well as tomorrow. A good amount of this time when I wasn't playing football was spent working on my audition for LBC. Currently figuring out what key to play songs in, as well as trying to pick which songs to perform (two contrasting pieces.) It is a little bit of a stressful process because I want everything to be perfect and go amazingly, but ultimately, I will have to leave it in God's hands to decide whether I go to LBC or not. It was also good to play music with a purpose again. Not that whenever I play music there isn't purpose, but now there is a reason to really improve and do my best and not just be comfortable where I am at with how advanced I am or am not with instruments and vocals.

Current Jam:(this is for you)

Fail

I totally forgot about blogging yesterday, looks like I have two blogs to catch up on. Today was an extremely long day, but extremely rewarding. We made it through three full shows with minimal technical holds. We just keep getting better and better at adapting to continue the show and it is great. Jonah's transformation from running to unwillingly obeying to anger to brokenness and freedom is such an amazing journey and is so relatable. So often am in one of those moods other than brokenness and freedom. Running from God. Doing His work as a Chore. Being mad at Him. Every day I am seeing more and more where God wants me to look to Him in Love, instead of these other options.

Current Jam:

Hello

So tonight during the friends and family premier of Jonah, we had some minimal technical issues through the first act. One of which requires me to run on stage to drive a set around. I still haven't gotten a real feeling for being able to move it where it needs to go, but it's getting there. While I was behind said set piece, there is a prop that needs to get put up on the stage right side of the piece in plain view. Since the piece is tall in the middle and short on either side, it's kind of difficult to not be seen, especially when you don't know exactly where to put the prop. Thus, I was in plain view of the audience for a good seven seconds or so while I "subtly" put this prop on stage. It is now kind of funny, but I was so mad when it was happening because it's my job to not be seen. Oh well, I will only get better at doing things like that, but that was pretty much the highlight of my day because I got to attempt to sneakily run on and off the stage, without being seen.

Current Jam:

Observation

Today after work I went shopping for some black clothing. Afterwards, I went to Applebee's for some food and a drink. (interesting right?) So, while there, A couple seats over is this lady in her 40's with a stack of papers. Turns out she's a literature and theatre teacher at McCaskey High School in Lancaster. We got to talking a little bit because I mentioned that I worked at Sight and Sound. That part was fun, but I was also watching a married couple across the bar, and another man, a few seats the other way enjoy some ribs. There was a couple in a booth behind me that obviously come there often because they talked to all the servers as friends. The bartender's name was Alex. She was pretty cool and was intent on making sure that everyone had what they needed. I could go on with this, just describing everything that happened. Observation is such a cool tool that we can use to get to know people without even talking to them. Some of us have good deductive skills and can really communicate without words. I love the non verbal side of communication because I like trying to be able to understand a point or idea that someone is trying to get across without them saying anything. It's a fantastic way to really understand someone.

Current Jam:

Rest

Sometimes, rest isn't all about sitting, laying down, taking a nap, or doing nothing. Sometimes it's about going out, doing what you enjoy, having fun. That is what I needed today, and get it I did. Myself and a couple friends from the cast went out for tacos tonight. Man, I just had some great conversation about music and pursuing Worship Arts. Also discussion about where the focus of churches are, basically what I talked about Sunday but with multiple inputs. It was just really refreshing after last weeks 60 hours and these past two days 21 hours of work. Luckily for me, my call time is ten tomorrow, so I get to "sleep in." But I probably won't because I would like to talk to LBC about continuing with my application process for school.

The rest I'm getting currently is from people, music, and getting stuff done. Who the heck am I and what did I do with myself. Who knows, but I like it.

Current Jam: (something from Jonah currently, but I can't reveal that so instead I'll choose this.)

Time

Lost track of time playing final fantasy, must sleep now. will write twice as much someday to make up for today.
Current Jam:

Church

First, If you have an hour watch this:

I'm struggling to know what church means. This video really explains what I believe about church. As I continue to uncover what church is and what I would like to see in a church that I go to, Francis Chan basically sums up what I would like to see in a church that I go to. We the people are the Church (notice the capitals.) He talks a lot about reading scripture and explaining it to Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses. The big idea that got me is exegesis versus eisegesis, or taking text and finding the meaning in it versus taking what we want to say and using bits of misinterpreted text to prove it. It's so true. He says "What would your life look like if you started with the Word of God." Another point that he brings up is the fact that church has lost its focus for being fishers of men. The reason for this is the service that we have created. From scripture, it says to make disciples, love one another. I have groups of friends that I hang out with and love and we disciple each other. They are my "church", not the building with people that I am acquaintances with. The Church is meant to be in the world, living with people, loving God and loving people. At around 50:30 he goes into a list of the commands for the Church, very few of which I have experienced in my church experiences. This is not to say that some people aren't living the scriptural idea of the Church, it is something that I believe that churches have lost focus of and need to return to.


This is not the idea that I wrote about forgetting yesterday, I still haven't remembered that, but this was a good one to go off of when I watched the video this morning.

Current Jam:
I didn't know which one to use, so I used both. ps. the RELEVANT Studio version has Kevin from Pentatonix on cello and vocal percussion. word.

Youth

Sometimes I wish I was still young. For all you oldies out there, yes, technically I'm still quite "Young". My desire is to not have responsibilities, even for just a couple days or so. To go to High School during the day, and chill with friends in the evening. I guess I'm just longing for the next week to pass so that a routine of my work schedule can come back, along with parts of my life. I had an important thought I wanted to talk about, but I forgot what it was, so when I remember, I will write about it.


Current Jam:

Down

Today, I am really tired and unwilling to peruse my mind for an interesting thought. Luckily, tomorrow is the last day of this super duper long week, and I finally get a day off on Sunday. It will be right back to the grind on Monday though. I'm slightly down right now, but once I get back into show run schedule, I will have a little more freedom and time to do the things I enjoy that I have not been able to do the past weeks.

Current Jam:

Chillin

Current Jam:

I don't really have anything pressing on my heart to share right now. So I'll just post something I wrote a few years ago. It's about home.

"What is home? Home is free. It is somewhere the troubles of life simply fade away. A place where you are free to do what you want, a paradise. Home is unexplored. You don’t always know what it looks like until you get there. It takes seeking and searching to find. Home is love. It is a place filled with love, you love the place you call home, whether it is tangible or not. To be home is to be here, to be where you are free, to be in a place unexplored, to be where you are...
Loved."

Wrapped

Current Jam:

Went to sleep last night listening to this song, and woke up in the morning to it as well. Coincidence, I think not! I've just felt really blessed these past few days. They have been long and will continue to get longer as we get closer to the opening, but God is just placing His arms around everything in the show. Every department, technical aspect and person is being pulled together by the Lord and it's going to be amazing. If He didn't wrap us up, the days would be never-ending trying to do Jonah on our own. God pulls it all together.

On a separate note yet still relevant, His comfort is so great. I love being able to just enjoy His presence in the secret place. It's somewhere that I would like to be more, yet cannot seem to get on track with seeking the Lord consistently. His Love and Grace are just so amazing and I want to spend more and more time with him.

Flame

What a word. I love flames, fires and all sorts of ember like stuff. It may be one of the most enjoyable things to watch. I could watch them for hours on end while doing nothing else. So then, why don't I let the fire that the Holy Spirit has placed inside of me explode over everything like a giant bonfire. (20 tons of wood or so) If I can watch a physical flame for hours, I should be able to watch the fire of God grow and move within me. Yet, so often I find myself pouring water over it, or suffocating it for my own selfish reasons.

Fire is also associated so very often with Looovvveeee. Sometimes I feel a bunch of flames(people) all over the place, and sometimes, I find it difficult to feel even one. That goes both for feeling loved, and loving others. My prayer is below.

Current Jam:

Why?

Current Jam:

Song is pretty much irrelevant to anything happening in my life, it's just so good.

A big question in my mind for a lot of things is Why? Why do I work, Why do I want to go to school, Why do I desire friendships and relationships, Why do I play video games, Why do I play music, Why do I like hot tea, Why do I like Orange Juice. I guess the answer to a lot of these questions is because it is pleasurable, enjoyable, makes me happy. But sometimes I want to be a little kid and ask, "Why is it enjoyable" well because music allows me to express myself. "Why does it allow you to do that" well because I can write or sing what's on my heart. "Why can you do that" well because God gave me the ability to. "Why did He do that" well because He wants us to glorify Him. "Why does He want that" well because He's God and He loves us. "Why is He God, and Why does He love us" He just does. "Why?" He's God. "Oh, okay(continues playing with matchbox cars)"

Hypocrite

I am a hypocrite, everyone is at some point in their life. Something that God has been laying on my heart recently is to live a genuine life. To live without lies, and deceit. So often I judge others, especially christians when I see them acting "out of line". Examples: often laughing, or making "dirty" jokes, lying about what happened, saying "i don't care about how I look" yet spending ridiculous amounts of time getting ready in the morning and spending ridiculous amounts of money on clothes, shoes, hats, accessories, etc. I judge others of these things, yet I am also at fault for all of them. ALL. It's like I have a switch that when I am in a good discussion or conversation I'm real, genuine, aware of judgement, hypocrisy, sin. But when I'm not thinking about it, I'm fake, a liar, judgmental, and a hypocrite. I want to live a whole, full, genuine life. It's so hard sometimes, but this is what I desire.

Current Jam:

Cool.

So, yesterday I was extremely busy after work with a friend's birthday get together and then just a hangout with some other friends. I didn't get home till 1 and I needed to sleep immediately to be able to get up for work the next day. I did jot some thoughts down that I wanted to share so here they are.

People are cool if you take the time to talk to them. The reason you think people aren't cool is because you haven't taken the time to figure out their coolness. As I get to know my friends at work more and more, they get cooler and cooler. Same with the people that I've known for longer than four months. It's just awesome to see how God has placed everyone in my life for a specific reason and purpose, which includes them being cool.

Current Jam:

Forgiveness

No one deserves forgiveness. Yet, if we ask God for it, we receive it. I'm dealing a lot with asking forgiveness from people because of my actions in the past and I believe God is working through this. Something that has caught my attention, probably because I work with it every day, is the story of Jonah. I mean, just think about Nineveh, a city that is entirely corrupt with thousands of people who have no desire to be righteous. Along comes an unwilling prophet to say they will be destroyed. The entire city repents and is forgiven. What?!?! That doesn't make any logical, fallen man, current societal sense. Yet God forgives. Even more so, when Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive someone. Peter probably thinks he's pretty righteous and generous with his number of 7 times. Jesus says, no no no, 70*7. So 490 times. No, not 490 times. Jesus' point is not a number, it's the fact that the amount of times you forgive someone should not matter, despite what he/she has done. Why is this? We are to live a Christ like life, and he did not put a limit on his forgiveness.

The show Jonah at Sight and Sound is going to be amazing. The entire world should see it.

Current Jam:

Lent

For lent this year( I have never really done anything for lent before), I am going to blog and write in my journal every day. Today I am just putting the idea of lent out there, and what I hope to accomplish through this time.

One goal is to establish writing my thoughts as a somewhat regular routine in my life. Second, I am going to be writing about what is on my heart and at many times, search out biblical ideas and truths through my own wanderings. I will also be posting a song a day that may or may not relate to what I'm talking about. This shall be fun.

Current Jam:

Broken Relationships

First of all, I desire for God to be glorified in everything that I do. Now, me desiring Him to be glorified is not the same as accomplishing it in everything that I do. This blog is going to be about me asking forgiveness and repentance.

This was spurned by the sermon that was delivered Yesterday at my church. The main idea was about resolution within relationships, and how the only way what is broken can become complete is through confession and repentance. So that is what I'm here to do today.

I would like to ask for forgiveness from anyone who I've wronged in someway, whether you know I have or not. From those who I've backed away from or gave excuses as to why I couldn't hang out, talk, or listen. From you who I've just shut out and abandoned. I have at many times turned away from friends. Perhaps it is something within me that likes a lot of space at times and then I allow myself to completely break a relationship over a rash decision. Then once I have started down this path, I formulate lies and half truths to get myself an excuse as to why I have done such a thing, and another excuse as to why I can't continue to be active in a friendship.

I am here right now, broken, asking for forgiveness from those whose friendships I've broken. I want to repair these relationships, but I can't fix them on my own. Those who I've scorned, maybe you can't accept this from me now. All I can ask is that you go to God about it and try to come to a place of understanding. I cannot undo what is done, but I do have the strength, through Christ, to reshape the after effects of what I've done. I'm asking God, and you, for repentance, to do a U-turn in these relationship that I've thrown away.

As I go through this process I ask that you have patience with me. I know many people in my life who Love people way better than I do, and are able to sustain and fight for relationships a lot better than I can. So, here is my pledge to try, to the best of my ability, to fight for you, my friends.

If you are someone who I have hurt, I ask that you get in contact with me. I am also going to start trying to rectify relationships with those who I know that I've abandoned and watched suffer.

I also ask God to give me his love as a begin this process and I hope that you also receive God's love. This song is about Christ's love, and since it is Christ's love, I therefore wish to replicate his love as well.