Love

Fun video I made in Highschool. Probably my favorite project to work on.


Love is such a loaded word in not only my life, but society in general today. What does it mean? Unconditional? Passion? Care? Friends? Relationships? Sex? Recently God has been pounding the principles of love into me. Personally, as a Christian, I've been growing tired of the here's love spelled out to you in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. It's often referred to as the "love" chapter, but as humans we can never fully completely understand what depth of love God has for us. But just like so many other times as I read passages and single verses of scripture, I forget the context of the passage. Sure 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 can stand alone, but we often forget about verses 1-3 and 8-13. The context is that of spiritual gifts, especially Prophesy and Tongues. Paul is talking about having these gifts and not having love, and how you gain nothing through that. He then goes into what Love is and is not. Then he states that Love is eternal, but these gifts will pass away, that they are only necessary in the short term. Three things will last forever, faith hope and love and the greatest of these is love.

So now that I've preached to you on the context of Love, what does that mean, and why am I talking about it. I'm someone who is looking for love, aren't we all? But it's not always that unconditional Love God has that I'm searching for. I as a human in the flesh, desire worldly "love" or as the bible calls it, lust. I have to admit, I've definitely had some pretty bad moments, being caught up in lust, and day to day, I walk the fine line, sometimes walking on the lust side, and sometimes walking on the love side.

I've had two serious relationships in my life, both lasting just for a few months, but pretty serious none the less. For being a 21 yr. old guy in today's world, that's a pretty empty list, and coming from a guy in today's world, it's an empty list. Currently, it's been about a year and 4 months since I've been in a relationship, and seeing my friends and peers, both older, and younger, be in relationships is starting to take its toll on my desire. Yes, I have friends that are much older than me, and similarly experienced in their ways of relationships, but I am writing about me and for me right now, so sorry if you read this and think I have no reason to be struggling since you have been for more months and years than I have.

Me right now = multiple girls, who I have decent friendships with and can see myself dating them, even marrying them given the right circumstances. All of them, I've told that I liked them at one point in time, but have since backed of because of other relationships, current circumstances, common sense, past history, and straight up fear of rejection and disappointment. I like these women, not only because they have nice teeth, and are awesome, and great to hang out with, and know a good deal about who I am and where I've been, but because I desire something that they can give me, whether it's a good idea or not. In the sermon my pastor preached this morning he said "Love can wait to give, Lust cannot wait to take" This is extremely true. However, I find myself rationalizing it because for me, it's not sex and extreme physical encounters that I desire. I want a relationship to be gentle, caring, honest, and extremely laid back. So, in my mind, i'm not really "taking" anything, however, I can't wait. So if I truly desire Love, I need to learn patience, unless I want to live a lust-filled life.

Probably like many of you, I often ask the question, "when is it my turn." "where is the love of my life" "why can't I be in a relationship, or married" I thought I had found this my Senior year. We had a great friendship, never dated. We decided we were going to the end of april prom together, mid january. We got to know each other really well. We have a heart for ministry in a camp setting, we love music(or do we lust music?haha), I hadn't really let her know that I liked her as more than friends till around may or so (yes, I am extremely timid and scared when it comes to these things) however, due to circumstances of our paths of life and current schooling, it was basically Impossible. After a year of school, that flame had for the most part disappeared, more for her than me, but what can I do, force someone to like me. It wouldn't have worked anyway because of circumstances with the next year of school. So here I am, one relationship, and a year and seven months later, and I find myself thinking about her, but in a different way. It's at times when I'm worshipping, or reading scripture, especially passages that mention love, and I get a desire to pray for her. Coincidence, perhaps, God working, definitely, for what purpose, I have no clue what so ever.

Questions that you may have: would I date her if things worked out? Heck yes, but if it doesn't, that's not God's plan. Are you saying that Guys think about the little stuff too? Well I do, but I'm not like a lot of guys, so, they should. Would I date you? Depends on who you are and why you want to date me.(was a fun questionnaire thought like the facebook survey's and stuff.) Are you saying that Love and Lust can look the same? Absolutely, at least they can appear the same, it's the motive that determines which you have. (question time is over)

God has recently been putting a lot of scriptures about love in my life, and I've been eating them up. They're delicious.

What this blog basically amounts to is:
I'm impatient, selfish, extremely open, and I want to be dating someone right now. In my mind, not necessarily in a lust-filled way, but the fact that It's difficult to wait makes it appear so. I relived my senior year, and didn't get mad or regret parts of those days(weird). Scripture needs to be taken within context, even the love chapter. God knows and I don't and that's really hard to swallow. I'm like a girl with my emotions?

And, you probably want to date me.

Overdose

itunes song of the day:


Just got Lecrae's sequel album to Rehab. It's called Rehab: The Overdose. I've only listened through it once so far, but the feel is old school Lecrae (Real Talk). "Chase That" is the song that has stood out the most to me so far, mainly for musical reasons with the sick Strings intro.

Onto my life.

I am thinking and praying about possibly going to FMI in Kansas City. Now, what the heck is that some of you may be wondering. That stands for Forerunner Media Institute. It's a part of the International House of Prayer University and is located in Kansas City (funny because the Ravens just wrecked the Chiefs.) I had gone on the Ihop site for the Prayer Room broadcast and had also talked with some friends that have been there multiple times for conferences about an Internship called Fire in the Night. Both of these would be awesome, but understand that I will be at Camp this summer so the soonest this would happen would probably be January 2012. I've only heard good things from Ihop. I bunch of good friends of mine (the same I talked to about Fire in the Night) went to their Young Adult conference called Onething over Christmas Break. Unfortunately I was at the Black Rock Jr. High Retreat (still recovering from a cold since then) but I wanted to go, and probably will go next year (sorry Camp...) I've been looking for something to be passionate about. Explanation: I know my passions (Music, Film, Media, Technology) but I had been searching for somewhere I could apply these. I do lead worship at the youth group at my church, and I help lead for the Services at my church as well as others when needed. So that's application here, but I'm not really learning more about what I'm passionate about, just doing it. This Internship or Year of School(They are different) would focus myself toward learning about Christ, and my passions. Out of the Media Institute I would receive a certificate after the one year program. What that means as far a accredited schools and such, I don't know. Eventually I should probably get a college degree in something, but I'm not passionate about that right now. Howard Thurman, a famous american Theologian once said, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Music, Media, and Christ make me come alive and this opportunity in Kansas City could be just what I need to revitalize my life and Go Hard for Christ.

Sure, this is all just possibility right now, so prayers are needed. Financially, the School/Internship isn't all that expensive so I'm not worried about that. I would just like to figure out if this is somewhere God wants to lead me in the next year of my life.

Previous blog

http://whenallfadesaway.blogspot.com/

This was my previous blog, but I wanted to make a new one because I have a new Gmail acct.

Sunday Drive on Saturday

itunes song of the year:


"And I will take a step back, and I'll let you ahead.
And I will take a step away and see if you come back."

This is the first song that I listened to in the New Year. After I got home from parties/friends houses I turned my whole music library on shuffle and hit play. Sunday Drive was the first song that played. It kinda reflects my relationship with God right now, Letting him lead, but also not really following and seeing if he comes back to get me.

However this new year, the same as every new year, I want to be healthy and active and read more and play more music and this and that and blah blah blah. Every year I make resolutions to do more stuff but they never come to fruition, so maybe this year I should just play the Background.



‎"God is our refuge and strength, an everpresent help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall to the heart of the sea."-Psalm 46:1-2